Mental illness can be debilitating. Often times, I feel like I’m not being the best version of myself because I’m putting so much energy into fighting or managing my anxiety or depression. Not fun.
Another thing that comes with experiencing mental illness is wanting to be understood. And not like have someone just say, “Oh yeah, I get that.” But to have someone really, truly understand and make us feel seen and validated. Sometimes, this doesn’t come so easily, so we will want to do one of two things: 1. explain ourselves or 2. deal with it so we don’t seem like we are making “excuses.” Neither of these options is great, and can make us feel worse when the person/people we are worried about don’t understand the actual reason you may be doing some things you logically wouldn’t want to do.
If you need that person but don’t have them, you do now. I see you, and I understand the struggle you are feeling.
If you don’t struggle with mental illness yourself but are reading on behalf of a friend or loved one and want to learn about what they are going through, welcome. And, thank you for putting in the effort to help them.
I am not a doctor (not even close) and this is definitely not medical advice. I just want to share some of the things I experience due to anxiety.
And reminder, this is not due to stress. Stress and anxiety are very different, and I know when my body is reacting to stress versus anxiety.
There are also more symptoms/effects due to anxiety for different people. These are just mine, and I hope you can find some comfort in them.
Things I Do Due to Anxiety
Sweat. A lot.
Worry about my sweat.
Not text back for days or even weeks.
Not go to the dining hall because I don’t want anyone to see me eat.
Question everything I say.
Convince myself people don’t like me.
Not post on social media.
Always over-prepare for situations.
Say sorry constantly.
Sit in the back of lecture.
Pick at my face.
Try on 7 different outfits every morning and like none of them.
Study constantly.
Be unable to nap.
Have neck and shoulder pain.
Not like shopping.
Always need a plan.
Lose my appetite.
Have panic attacks.
Dissociate.
Feel like I’m going to throw up.
Blank out when someone asks me a question.
Stumble over words.
Feel like I should just give up.
Have greater empathy for others.
Be hypercritical of myself.
These things are not permanent or necessarily constant in my life. When I am not/less anxious, I don’t do some of these behaviors or am better at controlling them. This list is a range of mild to severe effects for me, and I work on managing them every day.
Do any of these happen to you? How do you cope with them? Let me know in the comments.
Best, always,
This is not medical advice and is not intended to solve any problems. If you are experiencing a crisis or need help please see a medical professional.